I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
