Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
