your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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