he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
