Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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