Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
