This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
