wrigley field is MILF paradise
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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