the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
We named our party play list daddy issues
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Randomize
