Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
