Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
