last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
