come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
