the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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