Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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