I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
