if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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