That's when you crack a 10am beer
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
