I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
you're hired as official boob wrangler
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
