when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
