When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
