I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
