My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
