i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
