If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Randomize
