he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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