i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
