Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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