yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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