I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
