So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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