Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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