so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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