Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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