You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
