alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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