I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
