i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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