I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Randomize
