Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize