I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
whose ass print is on the piano?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize