The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
