you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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