last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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