I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
