Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
