seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
