Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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