I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
