fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
