Porn is love you can see.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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