so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
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