And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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