elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
