The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
