I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
