even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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