there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
