the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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