i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
