Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Randomize
