I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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