she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize