Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
