so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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