So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
