"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
It was confusing and full of hummus
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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