i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
