He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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