these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Randomize
