I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
